But, that night, three days ago, I decided that it was time. I had read Deborah's post a few days back where she had mentioned this book and it has been in my mind ever since. On top of that, the book was sticking out of the shelf, as if it was calling out to me "Read me". It was a revelation.
We were doing fine right until the page where the son was carrying his mother.
My son asked "Why does the mommy look like that?", looking rather perplexed at her gray hair and her frailty.
"Well because she's grown old. One day mommy will grow old too. As old as Grandmi now." (sorry mom)
"Will you die?"
"Everyone will grow old and die one day."
"But, I don't want you to die." snuggling up to me as he said it. That was when I felt my eyes sting with tears. I tried VERY hard to hold back those dang tears but they streamed down my face anyway and I quickly wiped them off with my hands before he could catch me crying.
"I want you to die with me." he said as he started to cry too. And that was when I felt like SOBBING.
I gave him a hug and with my voice choked with tears, said to him softly...
"Okay boy, we'll die together."
I know it doesn't sound right, but at that moment, those were the only reassuring words I could think of to say. We snuggled close to each other, I gave him a kiss on his head and we had a quiet moment together. Yup, a good 10 seconds before he wiped his tears away and scooted off to play with his toys again.
What I really meant to tell him was...
I'll always be with you boy. Even in death. Always.
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