Thursday, 29 September 2011

I Envy

I am an envious person.

And I hate it.

When I was schooling, I envied my friends. I envied them for being smarter and prettier. For being more sociable and for having more friends than me. For being popular.

When I started my first job, I envied my colleagues who were hitting their sales targets and getting praises from the bosses. I worked hard at my job but it was never good enough.

As a mother, I envy other moms who are able to homeschool their kids. I envy moms who appear to be a better parent and mother than me.

Now, as a blogger, I envy other bloggers. I envy them for their ability to use words with such skill to get a beautiful message across. Their ability to write a a thought-provoking prose, a compelling story, a heartwarming post of their life in words.  Bloggers who write so well. 

Heck, I even envy my Mom's dogs for getting to nap the whole day.

I want to put a stop to all this envying because it's just not doing me any good. It's tearing my self-esteem down and making me feel like I am not enough.

Because I AM ENOUGH.

I am who I am. I have a great husband. I am raising smart and happy kids. My life is complete. My roles as  mother and wife are still works-in-progress but I'd like to think I am progressing well. I want to be a better person for my loved ones. I want all the good things in life for my kids. I want to be part of those good things. I WANT to be a positive influence for them.

I don't want to envy anymore.

I didn't envy anyone when I became a wife. I married the best person for me. Someone who loves me dearly and who can put up with all my moods and idiosyncrasies. Marrying my husband also gifted me a family of great in-laws. My husband and in-laws were made specially for me.

I didn't envy anyone when I had my kids. They are God-given miracles in my life and they are perfect. My kids were made specially for me.

I don't envy anyone for the family I was born into. My parents, my brother, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. They are the greatest. They are all wonderful blessings in my life. My family was made specially for me.

I don't envy anyone for the readers I have. For the comments they leave on the nonsensical stuff I write sometimes. For that I am thankful to all who are reading. You are wonderful friends. You, my readers, are special to me.

I am special. 

I don't need to envy anymore.

Is this normal or do I need therapy?

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...